Sacrificing Our TODAY for the World's TOMORROW
FATA is "Federally Administered Tribal Area" of Pakistan; consisting of 7 Agencies and 6 F.Rs; with a 27000 Sq Km area and 4.5 m population.
MYTH: FATA is the HUB of militancy, terrorism and unrest in Afghanistan.
REALITY: FATA is the worst "VICTIM of Militancy”. Thousands of Civilians dead & injured; Hundreds of Schools destroyed; Thousands of homes raised to ground; 40% population displaced from homes.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Target Inc. To Sue Target Killers of Karachi - By Nietzsche (Minto Park, 16 Sep 2011)

Courtesy: "Minto Park", 16 Sep 2011
Target Inc. To Sue Target Killers of Karachi 
By Nietzsche
Target Corporation (NYSE:TGT) announced today that it will file a lawsuit against target killers of Karachi for copyright infringement. “We are the second largest discount retailer in United States. We have been operating under the name of Target since 2000. It is a blatant case of copyright violation. Target killers of Karachi are using our name and are bringing disrepute to our venerable corporation,” said Shelly Gilbert, spokeswoman of Target Inc.
However, Target Inc. has been facing problems filing the lawsuit because it has been unable to locate any target killer in Karachi. “We don’t know who to serve the legal notice to,” admitted a company official on the condition of anonymity. Target officials are in contact with the government of Pakistan to try and locate the leader of target killers. So far they have received a mixed response from the government. Interior Minister Rehman Malik has outright denied existence of target killers. “There are no target killers in Karachi. Target Inc. is ill-informed. As with any large city, there are killings in Karachi, however their number is less than ten per year. And even those killings are not ‘target’ killings; they are over girlfriends and wives. Now let me finish my banana,” said Malik as he ate an apple.

Spokeswoman, Ms. Gilbert, said her company has solicited the help of MQM to ascertain the identity of the target killers. For this purpose, company officials held a meeting with senior members of MQM that lasted over five hours. Leaders of the party refused to admit the presence of any target killer amongst them and instead blamed other political parties. According to sources present at the meeting, through an interpretive dance, Altaf Hussain explained that target killers belonged to ANP and PPP. He told the meeting that his party was in fact the victim. To further make his case, Hussain belted out his rendition of “Killing Me Softly” by Fugees. At this point, the entire senior cadre broke into an impromptu dance routine with Altaf Hussain in the lead and senior party leaders Dr. Farooq Sattar, Haider Abbas Rizvi, Mustafa Kamal and Waseem Akthar as background dancers.  Company officials seemed satisfied with the meeting. “At first we had our doubts. But, Altaf Hussain’s singing and dancing has convinced us that MQM does not harbor any target killers,” said Ms. Gilbert.
Target Inc. officials next held a meeting with former home minister Sind, Dr. Zulfiqar Mirza, at his house in Karachi. Insiders claim Mirza arrived at the meeting well-lubricated having just finished a few drinks of Roh Afza. Holding a copy of the Britannica Encyclopedia in his hand, he swore that Altaf Hussain was a badmash. He claimed to be in possession of irrefutable proof linking the target killers to MQM. But, he said he would not reveal the proof until a later date. However, company officials seemed skeptical at this. To convince them, Mirza balanced the Encyclopedia on his head and again swore that the target killers belonged to MQM. A visibly angry Mirza then lashed out at MQM saying all of their leaders were immigrant upstarts who used do menial work as cab drivers and telephone operators. He said he was a true son of the soil from an established feudal family, therefore his word should be given more credence.
Representatives of the company left the meeting confused. “We are basically back to square one” said spokeswoman Ms. Gilbert. “MQM convinced us through their very persuasive dance moves that the target killers belonged to PPP. On the other hand, by balancing Encyclopedia on his head, Mirza convinced us that the target killers belonged to MQM. Meanwhile, the interior minister denies the very existence of target killers. We do not know who to believe. What we do know is that Target Inc. is getting a bad name due to misuse of our company’s name. We will not rest until this matter is resolved.” When asked what Target intended to do next, Ms. Gilbert replied, “We have already contacted the Supreme Court of Pakistan and asked them to take suo moto notice of the issue. Although the Pak Army is stretched thin, they should also be involved in this matter.”
With the help of various contacts, this correspondent was able to locate a target killer and interviewed him over the phone. Akmal Maduhri alias Langra Commando claimed he was not bothered by the lawsuit at all. “Look, we are already in talks with Walmart. They have agreed to sponsor us. If Target Inc. has a problem with us using their name, we shall simply refer to ourselves as ‘Walmart Killers’ instead of ‘Target Killers’.”

Note: The viewpoint expressed in this article is solely that of the writer / news outlet. "FATA Awareness Initiative" Team may not agree with the opinion presented.

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